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For a long time, I thought taking care of myself was something I could fit in after I finished taking care of everything else.

And listen, if you've ever been the person everybody can count on, you already know how that goes. There's always something else.

I've spent years learning about mindfulness, wellness, movement, mental health, personal growth and all the things we're told we're supposed to do to take better care of ourselves. But knowing what to do and actually building a life where you do it are two very different things.

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That became very real for me when my body forced me to pay attention.

I had three heart attacks in one week.

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I had spent years leading meditation sessions and helping other people find calm while stress had become normal in my own life. Rest felt like something I had to earn. I could tell somebody else to slow down long before I knew how to give myself permission to do it.

That experience changed the questions I was asking.

I stopped being as interested in what a "healthy" or "mindful" life was supposed to look like and became much more interested in this: 

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How do I build a life that actually works for me?

Not the imaginary version of me who has unlimited time, unlimited money, unlimited energy and nobody needing anything.

Me. In my actual life.

And that question has taken me places I didn't expect.

It changed the way I think about movement. Food. Rest. Boundaries. Relationships. Work. My body. My mind. The things I make. The things I grow. The way I spend my time. Even the way I talk to myself. 

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It's also one of the reasons I went back to school to study psychology. I don't just want to know what we do. I'm fascinated by why we do it, what gets in the way, and what helps us change.

I'm still learning.

I'm still changing.

I'm still catching myself doing shit I know damn well doesn't serve me. 😂

The difference is that I've gotten much better at being curious about myself instead of immediately judging myself.

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And that's a lot of what I want for the women who spend time in my world.

I want you to ask yourself better questions.

I want you to imagine what you would choose if you weren't immediately worried about somebody else's opinion.

I want you to figure out what's actually keeping you from showing up before you decide you're lazy, inconsistent or incapable. 

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I want you to understand that slowing down doesn't require abandoning your responsibilities.

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And more than anything, I want you to get comfortable telling yourself the truth about what you want.

Because your life doesn't have to make sense to everybody else.

It needs to make sense to you.

That's what I'm figuring out over here.

If you're figuring it out too, pull up a chair.

There's room for you.