The Personal Reflections of a Married Mother with 3 Children. . .

Relax. Breathe in. Breathe out. Empty your mind.

YEAH, that's easy right?

Tell that to a married woman with 3 children, bills due, taking care of a sick parent and healing traumas through therapy to "empty their mind", it feels damn near impossible. Meditation is an awesome form of self care, but many have a difficulty trying to even engage with quieting the mind.

My journey with meditation and personal self discovery started in 2018. I was stuck in a job I was qualified for, but not fulfilled with for minimum pay and missing important time with my husband and my children because of my long work hours. It was bringing in money, but not enough and my village wasn't strong enough to have a family member watching my kids constantly while both my husband and I worked, so I took on the work and my husband took on the home. As a mother, that took a chunk out of me because prior to this I was a full time mother and heavily involved with my children's everyday routines. I felt like I was neglecting my family.

One day while I was at work, I felt short of breath at my desk. Before long I was calling my father to help me get home because I realized that I wasn't well and needed to be at home. Instead that trip led me to the hospital where I was told I was having a mild heart attack. I was stunned! I was only 35 years old. I had just lost weight and was exercising daily, I couldn't possibly be having a heart attack. They kept me overnight and hooked me up to a heart monitor. I cried all night in that room. I was awake asking myself all the questions we ask ourselves when a problem arises.

"I'm happily married with 3 beautiful children and gainfully employed. What am I doing here? Why am I hooked up to a heart monitor?!" The next morning the doctor came in with my results and said my heart was healthy and there was nothing physically there that he could see blocking anything that would cause a heart attack. He told me to take some time off work and seek a therapist, he told me I was severely stressed. Sadly he was right, I was. Even though I was in a hospital room for a heart attack, it was the most peaceful night's sleep I've had in months. I ended up leaving that job (on good terms) and took time for myself.

While I was in the hospital, I received a call from my friend Lashelle. We were basically family via social media and she invited me to her home in Arizona to come visit with her and decompress. This was a moment that I didn't know was about to change my life. I boarded a plane immediately and she welcomed me with open arms into her home. We ate, laughed, and truly had the best time ever. The day before I was to come back home, she made a pallet in the backyard, brought out her speaker and sat me in the sun. She told me to "ground myself" and seek nothing but peace. I closed my eyes in the blazing but calming sun and took a deep breath in and out. I felt like for the first time, I was listening to myself. It was unlike any other experience I've ever had. I was connecting with myself in a way I've ever been able to. I shut the world out and let myself in. She changed my life that day. This was the day that I was introduced to meditation.

I went home ready to take on the world because I meditated one good time! I went back home to my california apartment and literally clutched my chest as my children and husband greeted me with hugs and demands. I felt like I was right back in the thick of things. This was truly going to be a journey.

Don't feel that because you haven't mastered meditation on the first try it's not possible or not for you. Anything worth doing takes practice. Let's take this journey together. Nice to meet you, My name is Starr Swift and this is my journey to meditation.